Philadelphia Eagles 40, San Francisco 49ers 26

 

The rollercoaster of emotions in this game had me nauseous, especially considering it was preempted by the Panthers/Bucs game.  Some idiot network executive thought I wanted to watch Panthers games every week because I live in NC.  It can be extremely nerve wracking watching the Fox scoreboard updates.  We were up 17-6 with 4:30 left in the 2^nd, and next thing you know the halftime score is 17-16 and I have no idea what happened.

 

17-16 turned into 17-26 and in came text messages like, “maybe you guys just aren’t that good.”  I found comfort in the fact that our season was going down the tank and the Panthers got smacked, so our draft was looking better and better.  (We own the Panthers’ first round pick in the upcoming draft)  Then somehow we turned it around.

 

The “Big Red Zone Threat” L.J. Smith caught a 2 yard TD.  Akers made three field goals from gimme range. (which is all he’s good at nowadays)   Juqua Parker had a 55 yard interception return and the final score was 40-26.  My outgoing text messages read, “yeah it was a blowout.” 

 

We suck though, really.

 

Oh yeah, in my first weekly Fantasy Football Bargain Bin, I suggested pick Correll Buckhalter up if you needed a back this week, but you didn’t listen.  I would make you look it up, but he would have given you 178 yards from scrimmage and a TD. 

 

Indianapolis Colts 31, Baltimore Ravens 3

 

I owe Marvin Harrison an apology.  I’ve been saying he’s washed up, finished, kaput, and other has been synonyms for weeks now and he responded with  a 3 catch 2 TD performance against Chris McAllister. So Marvin, I’m sorry . . . but you’re still washed up.  Old guys can have good games too, they just aren’t consistent.  Hell even Jordan managed to drop 43 pts as a 40 year old with the Washington Wizards, but you can't tell me he wasn’t washed up.

 

More importantly, the Colts won in blowout fashion against the best D in the league and their defense played great without Bob Sanders.  The primary reason is that they’re healthy now with Jeff Saturday and Dallas Clark back in the lineup.  They’re preparing for a nice run and if they are on a roll with Sanders returns, they become clear favorites in the AFC.

 

Minnesota Vikings 12, Detroit Lions 10

 

There is really nothing to talk about in this game more entertaining than Dan Orlovsky’s hilarious run out of the back of the end zone giving the Vikings a safety.  It just brought back memories of that stupid kid in everyone’s neighborhood with a complete disregard for the rules.  You know the guy who you played ball with who didn’t know what “travelling” was who’s signature move was the double crossover, double pump fake, fake pass, strong drive to the hoop?  He can now be called the Orlovsky kid.

 

This wasn’t a casual mistaken step on the line, Orlovsky sprinted full steam in the back of the endzone like he was going to hide behind the goal post.  The Vikings line is indeed intimidating but following the rules is essential to being an NFL player.

 

Oh yeah, and Adrian Peterson had 111 yards. 

 

New Orleans Saints 34, Oakland Raiders 3

 

Would you believe me if I told you that that I was able to field bets before this season from some Raider fans that the Raiders would have a better record than the Eagles?  Not that we’re some juggernaut or something, but the Raiders?  With senile Al Davis?  Can you have confidence in the success of that team?  

 

After the Lane Kiffin fiasco, I’m inclined to believe that if you took everyone off the 07-08 Pats team and put them on the Raiders under Al Davis’ watch, they'd go 6-10, at best.  Moss was there and managed to convince the league he was washed up in the silver in black. 

 

On to the game.  Look at Reggie Bush’s rushing stats.  I will never let this die until something is done about this. 

 

Drew Brees is my hero.  Would you believe me if I told you I have Brees, Andre Johnson, Roddy White, Tomlinson, Larry Johnson, and Antonio Gates in one fantasy league without even pre-ranking my players?  Well I do and you shouldn’t have to ask what my record is.  (5-0 thank you)

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 27, Carolina Panthers 3

 

What a blowout.  To my boy who thinks the Panthers don’t get upgraded enough on Madden see exhibit A.  Warrick Dunn had 112 yards and I could have sworn I saw Warren Sapp, Mike Alstott, and Tony Dungy out there today.

 

For some reason Garcia gets the job done.  (15/20 173 and a TD)  Delhomme’s 3 INTs nominate him for the “Too Hot To Handle, Too Cold To Hold” award, but it remains to be seen if he’s a winner.

 

New York Jets 26, Cincinnati Bengals 14

 

Man it must suck to be a Bengals fan.  Your last taste of success was with Boomer and Ickey Woods?  You’re 0-6, and you’ve got Chad Ocho Cinco talking about kissing stars?  Blow up time.  Keep TJ and Palmer and some young defenders and trash the rest.

 

Interesting stat that was brought up during this game.  Jerricho Cotchery has 26 catches this year, guess how many Laveranues Coles has?  26!  Guess how many catches both had going into this game?  18!  Favre knows how to keep his guys happy with equal servings, now only if he could get my boy Dustin Keller more involved.

Atlanta Falcons 22, Chicago Bears 20

 

Who would have thunk the Falcons would be 4 and freakin 2 at this point in the season at the beginning of the year?  If you answer that in the affirmative, you are a liar. 

 

What a pick Matt Ryan was.  How good is he?  Well lets just think about Roddy White.  Prior to last season, White was on the brink of getting the bust label.  He was brought in because Mike Vick didn’t have “any receivers” as his ardent defenders always stated.  He did not produce with Vick and was probably very close to an exodus, because nothing was ever Vick’s fault.

 

We got glimpses of his talent last year under run of the mill quarterbacks.  This year the Falcons bring a stud in, and low and behold White is a star!  Is a moral of this story necessary?  Play your position! (c) Clifford Smith

 

Remember that “Bargain Bin” I was talking about earlier?  Guess who was sitting in there all cozy with Correll Buckhalter and a couple of other players to be named?  Kyle Orton and his 286 yards passing and a TD.  Sure was.

 

St. Louis Rams 19, Washington Redskins 17

 

Can you believe my first two fantasy picks in one of my leagues were Clinton Portis and Frank Gore.  Would you believe me if I told you this was premeditated and part of a grand scheme to dominate all leagues I’m a part of this year.  You shouldn’t, because I was pissed.

 

Unfortunately, my jacked up laptop prevented me from participating the live draft and by the time I got in, Portis and Gore were already picked.  Am I happy now?  You better believe it.  Portis had 129 and 2 TDs and is leading the league in rushing.  I knew I was on to something.

 

What more could you ask for as an Eagles fan.  You win a game you’re supposed to win and you make up a game to the entire division?  
 

Needless to say, this is the easy part of the Skins schedule.  I think I noted last week, that there was really nothing to stop them from rolling into their game against the Steelers on 11/3 sitting pretty at 7-1.  (They have the Browns and Lions in the next two weeks)  Well now they're 4-2.  If they lose either of the next two games, they’ve got issues, with the Steelers, Cowboys, Eagles, Giants, and Ravens coming down the pike. 

 

Houston Texans 29, Miami Dolphins 28

 

I’ve developed a small routing interest in the Dolphins this year.  They’re like the "little team that could" kind of and they managed to show what the Wildcat was all about with that double reverse pass for a TD by Chad Pennington.  (One of the prettiest plays you will ever see)  But unfortunately their young defensive unit couldn't stop the Andre Johnson and ultimately Matt Schaub on the QB draw to win the game.

 

See what happens when Sage Rosenfels is no where to be found?  They should banish him from the team.  Even if he plays and plays well, he will find a way to lose you the game.  He is the antithesis of a game manager.  I think they call players like him f*&^ ups. 

 

Jacksonville Jaguars 24, Denver Broncos 17

 

The Jags run, the Broncos can’t stop the run and they turned it over three times. David Garrard rivals Trent Dilfer as the quintessential game manager. Nothing else to see here.

 

Oh yeah, and the Jags are .500, they will probably stay that way.

 

Arizona Cardinals 30, Dallas Cowboys 24

 

How many different ways did the refs try to take this game away from the Cardinals.  Not only did a premature whistle take away a turnover that would have gave the Cardinals instant points, but the zebras pulled out all the old stupid rules on the books to try and give the Cowgirls this game.  The infamous Tuck Rule reared its ugly head erasing a Cardinal defensive TD.  A premature whistle rendered a Romo fumble unreviewable.  Travis LaBoy DIED on the field and they call him for offsides, settling up Nick Folk for a makeable game tying field goal in the closing seconds. 

 

Bailing someone out with the Tuck Rule is akin to charging someone with Crimes Against Nature for having sex in a position outside of the missionary position.  Get rid of the stupid rule.  If I pump fake, get laid out and drop the ball it’s a fumble.  Its not an incomplete pass.  If he really through the ball in the situation it would have been intentional grounding and a loss of down.  What is to stop QBs from doing exactly what Romo did, which is seeing an inevitable sack, doing a quick pump fake and dropping the ball to avoid a sack?

 

Yet the Cardinals persevered and now have to be seen as a legitimate threat to win their division and clinch a playoff birth, after following up their pasting of the undefeated Bills last week with a win against the Boys.  Hats off to these guys, I wish them well.  (They’ve probably secretly been my second favorite football team after sharing players with the Eagles over the years including Roderick Hood, Clyde Simmons, and Seth Joyner back in the day)

 

Umm, did you read that Bargain Bin yet?  All snug with Orton, Buckhalter, and Pennington?  Steve Breaston and his 8 rec, 102 yards and a TD.  I will accept my props via regular mail, email, text, phone, Facebook Wall, or any other means.  Hold the applause. 

 

San Diego Chargers 30, New England Patriots 10

 

Why talk about the Pats without Brady?  They don’t matter and they got enough press last year.

 

Green Bay Packers 27, Seattle Seahawks 17

Aaron Rodgers is going to be OK as the Pack get back to .500 and Seattle continues to look real bad.  I guess that what happens when you field a pack of midgets to play receiver for you.  (I don’t have room to talk considering the Eagles' average receiver heights)

 

Cleveland Browns 35, New York Giants 14,

 

Kudos to Eric Wright for the awesome INT and Deion Sanders tribute.  Flawless execution.

Is it just me or does Brady Quinn looked pissed as hell everytime the Derek Anderson leads them to victory.  I know some of you are thinking, "you'd be pissed if someone had your job too."  You'd be wrong.  If someone had my job and I was making millions of dollars a year, I'd be freaking elated and my golf handicap would be subzero.

 

The Brandon Marshall, “Beastly Physicality Performance of the Week” Award

(Given to the player with a performance so physically dominating, you’d think he was on the juice)

 

Andre Johnson, WR, Houston Texans

10 catches, 178 yards and a TD

 

I usually don’t give this award to receivers unless you’re a beast like the namesake and Mr. Johnson.  Anytime your quarterback has the confidence to throw you the ball when you’re blanketed because he knows you can just snatch it like Halloween candy from opposing defenders, you win, hands down.

 

The Kurt Warner, “Too Hot to Handle, Too Cold to Hold” Award

(Given to the player that just can’t seem to hold on to the football)

 

Tony Romo, QB, Dallas

3 fumbles (5 actually, 1 with a premature whistle and one nullified by the archaic Tuck Rule)

 

Tony Romo does not value the football.  It was painfully obvious before this game if you’ve watched the Cowboys losses since he’s been the QB and its even more obvious now.  You can’t win the big one when your quarterback doesn’t respect or value the football.