Tennessee Titans 20, Atlanta Falcons 13

You know Vince Young was born and branded to win football games when they overcome 5 turnovers to beat the Falcons.  Given, they beat the Falcons, not the Patriots, but no team should win with that many turnovers.  I guess when you get your name tattooed on your back in bold letters I should probably call you by that name.  (Thus I must be called P. Williams from now on, and Vince Young, “V. Young”)

Houston Texans 22, Miami Dolphins 19

Alas, the most bizarre and humorous event of the week is undoubtedly Travis Johnson’s re-enactment of the famous Dave Chapelle, “When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong” skit.  In case you missed it, Johnson’s knee knocked Trent Green unconscious after Green attempted a low block on Johnson.  While Green was out cold, Johnson got flagged for taunting him.  After the game, Johnson was quoted as saying, “At 12:00 I respected Trent Green, but at 12:20 I was like f--- Trent Green.”  Johnson was reportedly upset that Green attempted to block him low and thought it was a cheap shot.  He even went so far as to compare Green to Scarecrow saying he was trying to “get a heart” by hitting him low. 

This might have been the first time in history that a player has taunted an unconscious player.  I pray Johnson had a microphone on for this game.  What could he have been saying to Green who was helpless and unconscious at the time?  “That’s what you get chump, trying to go low on me.  I put him down, I put him down hard.”  Did he look at the rest of the Dolphins team and say, “I beat him down, beat you down too!” 

The closest comparison to such anti-social behavior had to be when the landlord in Eddie Murphy’s 1988 hit “Coming to America” told Stu when he fell down the stairs, “Hey Stu, your rent's due, M-F-! Now don't be pulling that falling down the stairs sh-- on me again, you hear! You know you conscious!” (credit Jermaine Gibson for this brilliant analogy)

Jacksonville Jaguars 17, Kansas City Chiefs 7

The Jags made the right decision in riding with Garrard who has thrown zero INTs this season, versus 4 TDs, for a QB rating of 105.4.  Although the Jags run a ball control offense, four passing TDs in four games may also indicate that the Jags will be in trouble if they have to come from behind.

Arizona Cardinals 34, St. Louis Rams 31

While we’re “riding” with quarterbacks, Matt Leinart’s opinion on Arizona’s two headed monster at QB was the second funniest moment of Week 5.  When asked about the situation, Leinart responded, “I just want them to ride or die with me.”  Really Matt?  Did rooming with Dwayne Jarrett while pops was providing fringe benefits give you street credibility?  Maybe your newfound friendship with V. Young has toughened you up a bit? 

Looks like the Cardinals jumped off the Leinart bandwagon just before it smashed into an brick wall.  The two headed dragon slaying Will Witherspoon decided to end the fairy tale by severing the Leinart head, knocking him out with a broken collarbone for an indefinite period of time.  They rode, but decided against the suicide mission which I guess is good coaching.  Kudos to Ken Whisenhunt, as Lovie Smith would have rode the Leinart bandwagon into Bolivian (c) Mike Tyson.  “Matt is our quarterback.” 

Speaking of the Cardinals…..

Pittsburgh Steelers 21, Seattle Seahawks 0

I stated early in the season in continuing my denial of Patriots’ dominance that the Steelers looked just as dominant.  Then they lost to the Cardinals last week.  The Seahawks lost to the Cardinals in Week 2, so I guess this game is between Cardinals’ also-rans?  (Probably the first time “Cardinals” and “also-rans” have been used in the same sentence to describe Cardinals opponents.)  Hasselbeck and Alexander took this week off.

New England Patriots 34, Cleveland Browns 17

The stage was set.  Romeo Crennel has inside information on the Pats from his tenure there.  The Browns have been hot since Derek Anderson has been starting and we’ve witnessed the rebirth of Jamal Lewis.  The Patriots are due for a letdown right? 

However, the following series indicates why the Patriots will never lose to a team like the Browns.  In the first quarter, the Browns held the Pats to a field goal inside the 5 yard line.  They followed this stop by driving all the way to the Pats 1 yard line.  They ran twice and got nothing.  On third down, down 3-0, Derek Anderson rolls out to escape the pressure, closes his eyes, twitches his nose Bewitched style, and throws the ball into a pack of defenders, resulting in the first of two picks by Junior Seau.  The Pats went on to score 17 more unanswered points.  Game over.  For the love of all that is sacred someone beat this team.

Carolina Panthers 16, New Orleans Saints 13

I was playing golf yesterday when the marshal, who was stalking us all day (yes we were playing slow couples golf) says, “Reggie Bush finally had 100 yards rushing today.”  Of course I jump on anyone who brings up football in my presence, especially if they sound like they may know a little something, so we chat for about 10 minutes while waiting for the foursome behind us to play through.  So basically, I’m feeling good about Reggie Bush as a full-time back by the time I get home.

My good buddy Jermaine Gibson brought me back down to earth, once again comparing Bush to Ronnie Harmon, to which I respond, “he had 100 yards today.”  Gibson corrects me, “100 total yards, 21 carries for 67 yards rushing, and they lost.”  Doh!

Thus the jury is still deliberating on what to make of this Bush character.  He’s either a third down back masquerading as a full time back, or a young guy still learning how to play the game.  Maybe he’ll learn how to run with some heart and turn into my boy Brian Westbrook in the next couple of years.

New York Giants 35, New York Jets 24

The first thing I looked at in the box score for this game was how many sacks Osi Umenyiora had after his ridiculous performance against my Eagles last week.  (he finished with just one sack this week)  I figured we’d see a letdown considering what Umenyiora (Disclaimer! Don’t let your son click on this link unless you want him to permanently change his career ambition to being a professional athlete.)

got courtesy of the Giants after his performance last week. 

Washington Redskins 34, Detroit Lions 3

I was on the brink of writing that the Detroit Lions defense is the league’s Affirmative Action for African American Quarterbacks, considering the performances put up by McNabb a couple of weeks ago and Campbell this week.  But after doing my homework, I remembered Tavaris Jackson’s forgettable performance in which he threw for 166 yards and 4 INTs against the Lions in a Week 2 loss.  However, I’m not sure if Tavaris Jackson should be used to prove or disprove any theory.  If anything he’s an aberration. 

If Kitna is going to make good on his prediction, not only are the Lions going to have to get tougher on the road, but Kitna needs to take better care of the ball.  (16/29 106 yards 0 TDs, 2 INTs)  Kitna and Derek Anderson may have to share the Fred Taylor Hot Potato award this week, that I recently created.  It will be awarded weekly to players who really don’t treat the ball like their firstborn, but like a “hot potato.” 

The reason the awarded is named after Fred Taylor is because Taylor was responsible for one of the most bizarre fumbles of all time a couple of seasons ago.  Forgive me for blurring on time here, but Taylor was stood up and bent backwards injuring his knee.  At this point it became obvious that Taylor had a concrete priority list which did not including holding on to the ball, as he literally threw the ball away to clutch his knee.  The opposing team recovered and the rest is history.

Indianapolis Colts 33, Tampa Bay 14

Colts win, Manning is great, and their defense is improving every day.  Seems like I write the same thing every week about them.

San Diego Chargers 41, Denver 3

The Chargers finally produce and all around performance in dominating the Broncos defense which seems to be allergic to running backs.  Tomlinson was held in check, but if I didn’t know any better I’d think LT is not on good terms with his offensive linemen.  LT and Reggie Bush had an identical day on the ground with 21 carries for 67 yards, however, Michael Turner cruised to 147 yards on 10 carries.

Baltimore Ravens 9, San Francisco 49ers 7

Sloppy game Ravens win.  Not much else to say about this stinker.  I hope the Eagles don’t play the Ravens this year, as the final score may be something like 3-2, won on a last minute David Akers field goal.

Chicago Bears 27, Green Bay Packers 20

Finally the Packers come down to earth with 5 turnovers in a loss to the Bears.  Old man Favre threw two picks in a game the Packers easily could have won.  Griese shook off the rust while completing passes to 9 different receivers with only one turnover this week.

Cedric Benson put in a workhorse performance with 27 carries for 64 yards.  Is this guy good?  Every discussion I’ve ever had with someone about Cedric Benson’s good qualities starts with, “he’s durable.”  If the first thing good you can say about a player is his durability, he should be a backup.

Dallas Cowboys, Buffalo Bills (TBD)