(beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...)

Can you hear that?  That’s the American sports scene on life support.  I’ve been following sports closely for as long as I can remember over the last 27 years, and I simply don’t recall a bleaker time period.  It hit me the other night when I was riding on I-540 a little after midnight that not any of the major sports are unscathed at the moment.  None of them.  True, there’s always some kind of scandal going on to some extent, but never have so many of the major players in the major sports been in the limelight for the wrong reason.


MLB

One word: BALCO.  Every era has it’s issues, but this may go down as the most influential in regards to records being shattered in an unjust manner.  The only injustice to the game that I feel casts a bigger stain than the steroid era would be the pre-Jackie segregated years.  I can’t fathom the likes of Cool Papa Bell, Satchell Paige, and Josh Gibson suiting it up in the majors for 15+ years.  They would have literally rewrote the record books.  

Anyway, speaking of the record books, they will be forever tarnished because of the likes of Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, Rafael Palmeiro, Ken Caminiti, Jose Canseco, etc.  It’s an abomination for the legends like Hank, Willie, Joe D, and Teddy Ballgame that these guys have distorted what used to be big numbers in the game:755, 61, and so on.  All of a sudden in the last decade guys have thrown up numbers season after season that have redefined statistical inflation.  The offensive stats that have been accumulated in the last 10 seasons have become so watered down and unimpressive till it makes no sense.  And now we are possibly only days away from one of the game’s greatest players and classiest icons losing his claim to fame to one of its biggest brats.  Barry Bonds is the epitome of the word hubris; he’s a modern day Icarus.

(beep...beep...beep...)


NHL

I hate hockey.  I’ve always hated hockey.  I’ve never watched more than 30 seconds of a hockey game on tv.  So me knocking the sport shouldn’t throw up any red flags.  However, it doesn’t take Barry Melrose to see that this game is in full-fledge crisis mode ever since the 2004-05 lockout.  During that 12-month span Jaromir Jagr, Martin Brodeur, and Joe Thornton were replaced with Jamie Gold, Joe Hachem, and Jerry Yang on ESPN’s airwaves.  After being demoted to OLN and now Versus, the NHL has become about as popular and desirable to watch as Rosie O’Donnell and Marge Schott in a “World’s Skimpiest Thong” contest.  

(beep.........beep.........beep.......)


NFL

This has been talked about ad nauseam.  Mike Vick blah blah blah, dogfighting blah blah blah, Pacman blah blah blah, making it rain blah blah blah, Chris Henry blah blah blah, Cincinatti Bengals blah blah blah.

(beep...............beep...............................beep.............................................)


NBA

Oh how the mighty have fallen.  Before I ever saw Paula Abdul’s “Cold Hearted” video and fell head over heels in love, my first taste of passion as a kid was directed towards “the league”.  I’m gonna bypass this opportunity to talk about how nobody outside of Michael Redd, Ray Allen, Dirk, and a handful of others are capable of outshooting that 43-year-old guy with the George “The Animal” Steele backhair at your local YMCA.  I’m gonna also bypass this opportunity to talk about how at least 3/5 of the league’s actual skill level (passing, dribbling, shooting, defending, etc) has decreased to that of the ‘92 Angolan Olympic Team.  

Instead, I’m gonna talk about the referee version of Tony from “Blue Chips”.  There’s “I’ve only got $12.43 in my checking account, my tank is almost empty, and I don’t get paid for 4 days” pressure, there’s “we’ve been dating 6 years and you still hadn’t mentioned marriage, and did I tell you that I’m sharing a cubicle with a dude that looks just like Morris Chestnut” pressure, and then there’s “I’m down $43,000 with 24 hours to go before Pino “The Italian Lucifer” Clemenza comes and collects, if you know what I’m saying” pressure.

Tim Donaghy has given every NBA conspiracy theorist the ammunition they will need for the next decade.  Will we ever truly watch another game when a call is blown where we don’t immediately fall into “this game is fixed” mode?  Honestly, I could go on for pages about just how bad this has damaged the psyche of every NBA fan, but truthfully what could I say now that every other sports writer/personality hasn’t written or said in the last several days?  The game is scarred and will be so for quite some time to come.

(beep.................................................................beep....................................................)


Miscellaneous

Boxing has fallen off the map.  If De La Hoya-Mayweather was supposed to be the sport’s final hurrah, what does that say about the depths to which it has fallen?  Track and field is simply a repeat of what the MLB is facing.  The last thing I heard about one of its major stars that didn’t have steroids or indictment directly following their name was Marion Jones having to sell her mom’s house in Chapel Hill to help her during this time of financial destitution.  Just sad.  And not that I’ve ever watched more than a second of cycling, but the Tour de France is pulling more people for doping up than Willie Nelson and his entourage on his way to Nate Newton’s house.

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(It appears we’ve lost him, but wait here comes Dr. Woods, Dr. Durant, and Dr. Tomlinson.  They may be able to revive him.)

I guess we’ll have to wait and see.